"All · the · world's · a · stage..."

I will be out of the country from Decemeber 18th until January 3rd. More than likely I will have absolutely no internet access. There is internet at one of my grandparents house's but it will be complicated. So I just wanted to wish everyone a Merry Holidays and a Happy New Year.

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On the downside, my grandfather passed away at about 8:50am Indiana time today. So I will be dealing with funeral stuff when I first get over there. My grandmother will also be having surgery to remove cancerous lumps after his funeral so thoughts, prays, and wishes for my family would be greatly appreciated.

It's been forever since I've posted anything anywhere to be completely honest. Work, school, life has basically over taken me and kicked me in the ass. I'm getting close to opening my second show at Purdue and I'm absolutely terrified. This has been and continues to be the most difficult, thought provoking, painful, exciting, intimidating, vomit inducing show I've ever had the pleasure (I guess you could say that) to be a part of. This is the sort of theatre that I feel like I want, no need to do in my career. The theatre that shoves what it's saying in the audiences faces. The good, the bad, and the incredibly ugly, all laid out to pull up strong emotional responses, and make people question what they're seeing.

The story itself is rather simple. This is the story of what happens to the female inhabitants of Troy after Athena helps the Greeks to build the Trojan Horse, conquer Troy, and end the war. This is not a happy tale. The men and young boys are slaughtered so there can be no revenge. The important women, Hecuba the queen, and her daughters are given as slaves to the important warriors. The rest are distributed by lot to other less important soliders. These women will become common house slaves if they're lucky...if not...concubines for the soldiers until they are too old or the soldiers get bored. The women are imprisoned after having being raped repeatedly by many soldiers, and live in constant fear of another rape. Everytime the door to the prison opens fear consumes them, until they hear the terrible news that enters in the form of Talthybius, messenger for the Greeks, which sink them further and further into despair until there is nothing left but to give up, abandon everything they know, and leave resigned to their fate for the Greek ships. The show is physically, emotionally, and mentally draining and leaves a sour feeling in my stomach whenever I think about it. My only hope is that we do this show as it deserves to be done. To make the audience truly feel for the victims on the other side of a war, to question what happens, and feel compelled to do something to stop these things happening to women in our own time in other parts of the world. Things that happen every day and are happening right now.

I got this in an email from POWER (Purdue's Organization for Women's Equal Rights)today and it completely shocked me. Anyone reading this male, female, vegetable, mineral needs to go sign this petition and ask others to do the same.

Hi Send this to all your friends. There is NO
WAY a mastectomy should be outpt as it is a massive surgery and insult to
the body. They do not do surgery for male malignancy as outpt. New double
standard???Sign the pledge take up the cause for women.MOM

*PLEASE TAKE THE TIME AND DO THIS.*
*
From a nurse: *

I'll never forget the look in my patients eyes when I had to tell them they
had to go home with the drains, new exercises and no breast.
I remember begging the Doctors to keep these women in the hospital longer,
only to hear that they would, but their hands were tied by the insurance
companies.
So there I sat with my patients, giving them the instructions they needed to
take care of themselves, knowing full well they didn't grasp half of what I
was saying, because the glazed, hopeless, frightened look spoke louder than
the quiet 'Thank You they muttered.

A mastectomy is when a woman's breast is removed in order to remove
cancerous breast cells/tissue.
If you know anyone who has had a Mastectomy, you may know that there is a
lot of discomfort and pain afterwards. Insurance companies are trying to
make mastectomies an outpatient procedure.
Let's give women the chance to recover properly in the hospital for 2 days
after surgery.

It takes 2 seconds to do this and is very important .. Please take the time
and do it really quick!
Please send this to everyone in your address book.
If there was ever a time when our voices and choices should be heard, this
is one of those times.
If you're receiving this, it's because I think you will take the 30 seconds
to go to vote on this issue and send it on to others.
You know who will do the same.

There's a bill called the *Breast Cancer Patient Protection Act* which will
require Insurance Companies to cover a minimum 48-hour hospital stay for
patients undergoing a mastectomy. It's about eliminating the 'drive-through
mastectomy' where women are forced to go home just a
few hours after surgery, against the wishes of their doctor, still groggy
from anesthesia and sometimes with drainage tubes still attached.

Lifetime Television has put this bill on their Web page with a petition
drive to show your support. Last year over half the House signed on.

PLEASE!! Sign the petition by clicking on the Web site below. You need not give more than your name and zip code number. *
**
**http://www.lifetimetv.com/breastcancer/petition/signpetition.php
*<http://www.lifetimetv.com/breastcancer/petition/signpetition.php>

So I sort of had most of my hair cut off on Thursday. I don't mean completely shaved, but it's the shortest its been since I was about 4 years old. I guess you could say it's sort of the pixie cut look only spiky and wild. Mum came to visit me on Thursday and we were talking about how I needed to make a hair appointment for the next time I was up near them with my regular hair dresser. I joked about how I should just cut all of it off and she said why not. We decided to buy hair magazines and go sit in starbucks and decide what I wanted to do. That turned into why didn't I just do it now, so I walked into a shop in the mall, was told it would be a 20 minute wait, picked something out of the book and told Elizabeth, my really fun hairdresser, just to start cutting and do whatever. My hair hasn't been cut since December and was down below my shoulders. Well it doesn't even come close to my shoulders now. And I have bangs, something I haven't had in about 9 years. Everyone who's seen it so far has really liked it and I really do too. Its a really nice change and I feel really good about it. Yay for spur of the moment decisions.

Well work was interesting last night. Earlier in the night it was a slow Tuesday, but as soon as 8:30 arrived things went a little nuts. I also had a party of about 30 older men from a local choral group downstairs. They spent the whole night singing these amazing 4 part harmonies! They even found a love song most of them knew with my name in it and serenaded me!!! I don't embarass easily but I was blushing and smiling. It was the sweetest thing anyones done for me in a really long time. I was really touched that after they had had a performance and now were just hanging out enjoying each others company that they thought enough of me, a complete stranger, to do that. It was awesome. The night was a little complicated though. A lot of the guys ordered beer/wine, and obviously I'm not 21 yet, and neither was the majority of people working. Luckily Daniel :) one of our shift leaders is and has his liquor license, or things would have gotten interesting. Then one of the registers broke. Then the other server left and it was just me and people kept coming in. 11 here, 6 there, another couple of tables of 3. Ugh crazy. Daniel and Arik were nice enough to bus downstairs for me or i would probably still be there cleaning. Once we closed I found out that the dough roller had gotten a towel stuck in it and had to be taken completely to pieces. I also found out that Lauren, the server who came in at 4, didn't remember to turn off the salad bar so I spent about an hour dumping boiling water on it, and trying to hack away at the huge ice block. I wasn't strong enough to pull up the trays that sit under the ice which would have made it easier. Luckily Daniel came to my rescue. I finally got done at about 12:15 and talked to him for alittle bit and then to his friend Max who works at Purdue West. When we all tried to leave Daniel couldn't get the door locked, so we were banging, pushing, and swearing at the damn thing. Daniel asked me if I'd locked the front doors which I hadn't since thats not my job so he had to run back in and do that. Then after more door fighting he called Voelz, another shift leader who told us how to essentially rig the door to lock. We finally got the damn thing done and I got home at about 1am.

Well week one of summer is almost over. I've worked almost every night which is good because I need the money. I've realized however, that I don't like it nearly as much as the other Pizza Hut I worked out and I'm not really sure why. The people are all nice for the most part and I'm getting in hours and stuff but it's just not as fun.

I went up to the see the parentals on Wednesday. The only person who had any idea I was going was Dad, so we surprised Mum at lunch and she was really excited. That night me and dad surprised the boys and went into Ft. Wayne and ate amazing Italian at Biaggi's Mmmmmmm. Mum of course was at church. I saw her for about 2 hours after she got off work so we did get to see each other a little. I had breakfast with Amanda on thursday morning which was nice to catch up as I haven't seen her in ages.

Grades came out wednesday and I was scared to look at my Eastern Religions grade and my British Lit grade. I barely went to ER, because it was 3 hours after my other classes, and by the end of the semester I had to so many papers, rehearsals, meetings, etc. that the time was better spent on those than in class. British Lit was scary because the Prof was awful, one of the worst teachers I've ever had, which is saying a lot coming from TVHS. Her grading was inconsistent and irrational, and if you shared and opinion that wasn't hers she counted you wrong. She also doesn't accept excused absences, so my mandatory abscences for ACTF during the first week of school were counted against me, even though I had officail letters from Russ Jones the Chairman of the Theatre Dept. Somehow a miracle occured and I pulled off B's in both of those class. I have no idea how it happend but i'm so glad it did. All A's and B's puts me on the honors list again which placates the parentals and keeps them off my back about things. I almost cried from joy.

Maymester starts Monday, and I have Shakespeare at 9.50. I'm excited about it because it means I'll have something to do all summer besides work and sit around by myself. A lot of my close friends are gone all or part of the summer and a few that are around will be crazy busy. Camron leaves for an Internship in Florida on May 20th. I'm really excited for him but I haven't seen him February and I only get to see him for abot 24hours next week and thats it. Ashley leaves June 10th to work as a summer camp counselor in Ohio. Shes in Huntington working until then so its very unlikely that I'll see her. Laura, Meg, and Tabitha will be in England all of Maymester, and Aziz is back in Kuwait for a few weeks before he moves permenantly to Australia. I really don't know what I'm going to do when my senior year hits. All my theatre friends are a year above so they will have graduated. Laura is a year older but shes only where I am with her Theatre degree, but shes thinking about just going with a theatre minor and a comm bachelors so she can get out of here in 08. I really have no friends in the department, especially with the peoples my age. Atleast I have a year before I have to worry about it.

So since I worked last night I made a little bit of money, and went to get meds today. I asked the pharmacist what was best for me to take and after asking me some questions she got me the right meds. She also said that I was coming in just in time as it sounds as though im developing Bronchitis. I have everything except the fever, so I have to be very careful over the next few days or its going to develip into full Bronchitis. If I get a fever or feel worse I have to go straight to the doctor. Luckily I dont have another exam til 7pm tomorrow, so I can spend 24 hours sitting around resting. This whole thing is a pain in the ass. Its expensive and distracting. Grrr

I want to curl up and die. Or atleast sleep for a very long time. But no, I have an 8am final on 3 religions I don't know, a 2 hour Italian study session, and closing at work, oh and thats just tomorrow. I also have to write notes for my 10am tuesday final somewhere in all that free time I have. While resisting the urge to go into a medicated coma. Oh wait, not an option I have no money for meds! woohoo.

Liquid Latex - It's great going on a pain in the ass to get off. When it peels off in large pieces its ok, but small pieces hurt like a son of a bitch! Showering helps, but only when your by yourself. 3 people a small shower, not easy.

Jet Skis - I've ridden them once before and loved it! I HATE being a passenger though, its scary as fuck. Going 45 mph on a empty compltely still lake is a great feeling except for when its late at night and you get hit in the face by bugs. At that speed they hurt like hell.

Texas - The hill country is absolutely beautiful. The weather is amazing. Too bad it rained and was grey for most of the week, but it was still amazingly warm. I got a little tan but not too much.

Ex Navy Assholes - Once again I was given proof the military turns people into judgemental assholes. I know that not everyone military ends up like that, and that its possible he was like that before, but who knows. Kristen threw a party sunday and this guy Zach got wasted and kept trying to pick up all the girls there. Even the ones with boyfriends. He was feeding them pickup lines and kept trying to get them to go into a bedroom with him. Long story short Kristen slapped him when he wouldnt leave her alone. It was pretty great. Guys should study him to learn how not to act EVER around anyone.

Enchiladas - AMAZING I love them. They have to be authentic, but omg they're amazing.

Bahama Bucks - most incredible snow cones EVER

The Alamo - its right across from a shopping mall, an ice cream store, a mirror maze, and a wax museum. Its incredibly surreal. It even has opening and closing hours.

Hell - the paper im supposed to be writing right now since its due tomorrow, 8 pages to go!!!

So our TV is posessed, it randomly turns itself off and then back on again for no aparent reason in the middle of a show or commericial. It's not that I'm hitting the remote either. We have one that turns the tv on and another that deals with channels and the one for off and on is always at the other end of the couch so I dont accidently use it. And Matt was one who told me about the crazy TV so its not anything that I'm doing.

I hate that we have snow days. I don't mind that schools canceled since I was suppoesd to have 2 exams today, but since I live so far off campus I'm not in walking distance of anyone and I'm starting to go stir crazy. We're not supposed to be driving anywhere not that I really could even if we were allowed. I spent half and hour this morning digging my car out of the snow with a baking tray. I don't have a snow shovel.... Then I found out that school was canceled. I'm assuming work is closed seeing as I tried calling in at 11.30 (half an hour after we opened) and let the phone ring for 3 minutes with no answer at all. I hate being stuck with nothing to do. Daytime TV SUCKS!!! If i lived near campus I could go see people and have some fun. Oh well next winter will be a hell of a lot better. Its pretty cool though that i'm part of the first Purdue University snow day since 1984. Meh its all good. I'm off to watch a Project Runway Marathon

So i'm pretty much broke. As of last week there is $26 in my bank account. Once I deposit the $13 check from work that will be $39. There is also the $21.34 of change I've been saving in my starbucks mug to go into my savings account, that I'm giving in and putting in there too. Although it will come straight out so I can put gas in my car because its on empty again. This isn't a bitch fest its me putting down my reality in words so it can smack across the face some more and I can try to figure out what to do. Out of the 4 available days I can work they are working me 2. Wednesday and Saturday and they're not even long shifts. Its not like I wouldnt open up more days if I could, but I have class until 5:45 on tuesday and thursday, and friday is the one day that I actually have to myself or for friends. Though I suppose I could give that up too. I've given up pretty much everything else and I'm still broke. Having my tips has been helping it means I don't have to dip into whats left in my account but I'm getting closer and closer to needing to dip in. I get some grocery money on Friday from my parents, but I really need it for school supplies, gas, and winter clothes. I can live off of Ramen for awhile. Not having money isnt an issue because I want to be surrounded by tons of expensive things. Its an issue because if I don't have money, I don't have gas, so I can't get to class. Yes, theres the college station bus that comes around once every hour I think it is, but if I miss it then I'm stuck. And seeing as I live so fucking far away its not like I can walk or anything. Theres so much I'm missing out on too. I could have been in a workshop production of Romeo and Juliet, but oh no I have to work. And there are so many amazing internships and apprenticeships I have the opportunity to apply for but its point because I can't afford the programs, and I can't afford to spend all summer somewhere else without a job. I can't ask my parents for more money because they give me as much as they can and things are a little crazy right now. I mean hell they're paying for my tuition and my rent they shouldn't have to give me anything else. I'm just so frustrated and negative about everything and its just all BLAH!!! And I'm completely aware that things could be a hell of a lot worse. Its just really hard because my heads not in school this semester at all and I really have no will to go to class. None of my classes, not even my acting class and I have no idea of how to change that or make it any better. I'm just pissed at life I think, but i'm not sure why

That was in a nutshell the comment a guy made in my English class yesterday. We just finished reading the Odyssey and we were discussing revenge. Alice the TA asked what our views were on the death penalty were and I'm strongly against it. I dont know if anyone else in the class is but I was the only person to speak out against it vs the 5-6 others who spoke up for it. The discussion was a good one and I was in the perfect mood for debate/arguement. Generally when the topic comes up I am in the minority which always makes me fight harder. I know that nothing I say is going to miraculously change the views of anyone but it feels good to be heard sometimes. I was getting rather heated and my response to the guy who said that since tax payers have to pay to feed and clothe the inmates we should kill deserving criminals was not exactly 100% tactful. I made comments about how he was putting a value on human life and asked if he felt comfortable with the government killing people just to safe him a little bit of money. Thats actually false info since tax payers fund executions also and captial punishment cases after all the appeals have gone through can cost close to a 1 million dollars from the start of the first trial to the autopsy performed after execution. Sigh, i'm really going to get myself in trouble because of my quick tongue one of these days. Maybe its a good thing I'm not studying to become a lawyer.

What else is there to go at 1:16 am when you can't sleep and have to be up in 4 hours for rugby conditioning? Yes, thats right make random bitchy blogs that 2 people read!!! Sadly enough it beats lying in bed trying all possible sleeping positions and clothing options and then hoping that one will induce immediate sleep. So instead random ramblings!
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Saturday was my first night at work. Everyone seems nice so it should be a fun environment. I only slightly made a complete ass of myself, dumping French dressing all over the salad bar in the first 5 minutes I was on the clock then later that night tripping down the basement stairs spilling about 50 croutons everywhere. Tonight was better in the "Louise not being a dumbass" department although it was a really slow night due to that small thing known as the Colts game.
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The Colts won which I guess is worth me not really making any money tonight...well atleast to some people it is, to me not really I mean its cool and everything but it just means that there will be even more drunken idiots around here on SuperBowl Sunday than there normally would have been. Eh I'll probably be working and not making any money then too!
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I MUST get in shape. However 6am on Mon and Thurs for Rugby conditioning is not exactly what I had in mind. They're combining 2 of my least favorite things and creating one of the ultimate tortures running + me + early morning = super bitch and total lack of productivity for the rest of the day.

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I feel totally out of place in just about every group I'm associated with. Don't get me wrong I have a lot of amazing friends and I'm not pulling the "poor me no one really loves me they're just being nice out of courtesy" bullshit thats not at all. and I'm not begging for a million comments from people telling me how much they love me. Not that that many people know I even have this LJ but thats beside the point. I'm involved in multiple things and when they all add up I really don't have enough time to be in the "in" group of any of them. I'm not in the "in" group of theatre essentially because I wasn't cast in ROAD. I'm not in the "in" group at rugby because 1. i'm not 21 and 2. I keep missing chunks of seasons due to injury and theatre. Work, well will change since I only just started. I Can't do the Vagina Monologues this year because of work, and the SOF I love them all dearly, but again I'm just not around enough and I'm not intelligent enough in the geeky stereotypically smart way. I HATE insomnia.

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Daisy and Alexander are dead, or atleast very close to it. Daisy is/was my cactus-type thing. I think I over watered her...and Alexander is a fern looking leafy thingy, some sort of dwarf palm according to his little plastic stick thingy. He was under watered. Bits of him keep turning brown and sort of drooping/falling out. I did well to keep them this long...especially since I forgot to take them to my parents over x-mas so they were left unattended for about 2/1/2 weeks. Opps. I'm better with pets and small children though. Not that i've ever been left in charge of either long enough to neglect them resulting in death. Oh dear that sounds really bad.

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I HAVE to go to Philosophy tomorrow. I've only been once this semester. Granted I missed 2 due to ACTF and there was no class Monday because of Martin Luther King Day, but still. 1 class in 2 weeks. Ouch. Its not like I'm really missed because there are a few hundred people but I would be pissed if I failed and had to take it over.

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Oh, my summer plans fell through. No England study abroad for me. The company my dad works for was bought out so money is all screwy, especially since some upper level peeps are getting indicted for something to do with fraud and stock options or not reporting taxes or something who knows. Oh and then theres the fact that my family gained the financial responsibility of another 16 yr old with absolutely no help from anyone. And then there was the emergency trip to the UK for my parents when my grandfather died. So financially things suck ass right now I guess. My mother didn't say it in those words exactly but I'm pretty good at reading between the lines. So i'll be here all summer working my ass off both at work and school. fun fun. That sounds horribly selfish, but if I want to make it as an actor/ into grad school I HAVE to have summer acting experience from other places. That can't happen when I'm broke and stuck in West Lafayette. My options aren't exactly varied here.

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The theatre season for next semester kicks ass. First is an all undergrad show thats yet to be determined. w00t for new grad actors that don't get cast in the first show of the season. Then its Marat/Sade (the real names really fucking long) then Trojan Women, and second semester is The Underpants, and Hair (the musical...my friends and I have been debating what the departments going to do with the fact that theres pretty much full nudity by the end of the show from pretty much the whole cast)

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This is a fucking huge post, but oh guess what? I'm still not tired! I have a feeling I'm not going to conditioning. I can't get through the day on 4 hours of sleep. Well I know I can i've done it before and on less but I really dont want to get into that habit of not sleeping quite yet. Its only the 3rd week of the semester. I want to save that for atleast the 4th week since I have to close at work a week from tomorrow, something I havent done since August and its with different people, jobs, and store. I haven't had caffeine in about 6/1/2 hours so thats not whats keeping me awake, and I don't have anything tomorrow I'm unprepared for or nervous about.

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Meh, I'm off to try sleeping on the floor of my bedroom maybe that'll work. Who knows.

Well today was the first day back at school. Classes are going to be interesting I think. My British Lit. Prof is about 100 years old and is walking the line between a bad sense of humor and bitchy. My Italian teacher seems really cool. Adam a good friend of mine from last semseter is in there so that makes everything a lot easier and more fun. My Eastern Religions Prof. seems really cool too. He's really well known and knows the Dali Lama. I leave tomorrow at 4 pm to go to Milwaukee so I have a shit-ton of reading to do. Thank God for Martin Luther King Day. HOWEVER I will be occupied part of the day because I got a JOB!!! Nothing extremely exciting really but I'm waitressing for the West Lafayette Pizza Hut. I'll be working 4 days a week at the most. I literally walked in to speak to the manager and mentioned my old boss and he asked when I could start. w00t! I marked down that I can't work Tues and Thurs so I can go to rugby practice, and Fridays so I can go to SOF. I haven't told them yet that I'll have rugby games on Saturdays eventually, but I'm going to wait until they've gotten to know me (and love me of course!)

Ugh today was such a long day. We had to be in the Theatre at 9am which in itself wasn't that bad. However we then had to strike every bit of the set. For anyone who saw the show there are massive wooden and foam windows and soild metal frames and arches. We had a 20 min break at 11 and then we had to set everything back up again. All the flys EVERYTHING. We had an hour lunch then it was into full makeup and costume for a dress rehearsal. It took forever because K-Hole (the director) kept stopping and changing things. We completely skipped the end of Act 1. NOt that it affected me because I'm not in it, but originally today was supposed to be our only rehearsal. Luckily when we were done with the run 2 of the grads requested another one. THANK GOD. So we're rehearsing Friday at 3. After we broke for dinner we then had to strike the whole set again so that its ready to be loaded onto the trucks foir the trip to Milwaukee. While we were on our way to our dinner break K-Hole stopped me and said she had an idea for Miss Prism. She's decided she was me to do 180 degree change in my personality. So instead of a German Military inspired authoratarian, she wants me to be passionate and love teaching and me encouraging and have a high flirty voice. UGH I'm SOOOOO pissed. I have 1/1/2 days to re-do the 2 months of work I did during the original show. Its really frustrating. I'm exhausted and I stink.